Lizzy's Page

When I am writing this I am 17 years old. I kinda live alone. I live on my fathers money and my boyfriend is here when he has the time. I didn't particuraly choose to live away from my parents and till this day I question if I made the right choice of running away from my mother.

My mother was diagnosed with some type of form of schizophrenia in 2021. She physically abused me and my sister but not very heavily I would say. She used to throw anything close to her at us, would pinch our skin or just scream loud. But back then I just thought she did that because she hated me and not because she was mentally ill. My sister moved out when she turned 20 and left me and my father alone. This is when the breakdown started to happen. I was 13/14 so I didn't knew that there was something wrong, but apparently this whole time she has been searching comfort with my sister for years till she moved out.

It started with her thinking she was being watched by her phone and as a digital kid I thought she was just old, not knowing how it worked so I just kinda shoved her away. I was naïve and never had a good bond with my mother. Which I find sad now and I am so full of guilt. It started getting worse and worse to her saying things she shouldn't and she thought certain things were happening that never happend. One time she said I should've died. Which was very shocking to 15 year old me, since yk how young teenagers are. Difficult with parents, high ego and figuring life out. It's already alot of baggage, but I will never forget that my mum said that. I used to have a brother, he passed away at the age of 8. I never had the chance to meet him, because I wasn't born yet. She said that she would've preferred me to be dead instead of my brother and I don't know what to do with that information till this day. After that she said that me and my father moved out. We rented a little house and then moved into an appartment some months later that's where I am right now. My mother still texts me once in a while or calls me, but it's never good news. It's most of the times "Your sister has died" or "your father is sick" and when she calls me it's most of the time her crying and saying she is a bad mother. Which I don't think she is, I don't blame her for the things she has done or said. All I do is miss her.

My father is a weird story as I always used to push him away for not trying to "fix" my mother. He also started dating another woman while this all happend, which I find weird. How can you find new love if your wife is going through all that. But I doubt that it is love. Most of the times he is at his girlfriends house and first I found that okay but then later on I found it kinda shitty, but I was already so used to him not being here that I was scared when he was here. It is still like this and I hate it. I just miss both of my parents but I am too scared of them to go and fix it.

My and my sister are doing gucci though !!