About my ex. My other ex simply wanted to have sex with me and forced me into doing other things related to that subject. But my most recent ex used AI to fulfill his sexual pleasures ever since before and while dating me. He also had a secret alt account for suggestive/soft porn content. We dated for a year long and it has bothered me eversince I found out. I dont think I look bad. Sure I am not curvy at all, which I've always been insecure about and this did not help. 99% of the guys I have met have a sexual problem.

Wanting it so bad that they're willing to hurt another person for it.
Don't think I can ever date someone normally again.

( I was on some schizo shit last post?) Recently got stalked online by one of my viewers? So I'm afraid of what to say now on this blog or what to post anywhere now. I never knew I was stalk worthy though. He went trough my ex's followings list to find me. Then to publicly describe me in my twitch chat with, btw, I do NOT use any of my personal information on nor do I even use my face. He was obsessed with me it felt like. Kept asking where I was from, till he guessed it and my age etc. I am scared. People online are scary and awefull. They're or really weird or just straight up horny.

I try to meet new people. Met this guy, thought he was sweet. But then admitted that he was a 'gooner'? Which immediately put me off.. because my ex got off to AI things behind my back for the whole span of our relationship. Any person who just admits things like that just put me off. I am so tired of this horny shit.

Oh yes awefull persons we are no, if we cry, we're pussies. If we apolagies for something, we're stupid, anything just anything why can't anything be right. Why can't I be happy, do you restrain me from my happiness, why do you always do this to me.

oh I didn't mean that. All I want is just to be happy. Please let me just be happy. I am trying my best I swear why can't I be good for you, why is everything so selfish.

I am going back to my real comfort place, journaling sucks dude.

Something that randomly struck my soul was that one sentence a friend of mine told me "truth be told he doesnt deserve to be living rent free in your head like that" refering to my ex wanting to have sexual intercourse with me but me not wanting it and him forcing me ( by making me feel bad if I didn't ) to give him head and jerk him off. He even tried to rape me but it kept freaking me out so much so I kept pushing him away until he started talking, not to say sorry but to gaslight me into saying that he wasn't trying to do anything to me.

But what happened is what happened. Even though I will still have flashbacks from the things my ex did, I shouldn't let it control my life. But saying this is so much easier than just letting to and moving on. It has been 2 years and I still can't stop thinking about everything he did. But him being an awefull person doesn't define me.